Fighting the binge already!

I spent most of the afternoon on the couch. 

I found out yesterday my 56 yr old cousin committed suicide.  He was so handsome.  He literally looked like a young Elvis.  Lived in Hawaii most of his adult life and was tall, dark and handsome.  He served in the Air Force and had a beautiful daughter.  His sister passed away last year, she was younger than he.  Sad.

I'm also battling depression. 

Not sure if it's because of coming back from vacation with my crazy life sitting here waiting on me.  Or could it be that I'm detoxing and my body is pissed off it's not getting the sugars and carbs it's grown accustomed to?  Perhaps its because I sit on the brink of yet another beginning of a healthy journey to diet and lose weight and yet again, change my eating habits.  Maybe it's because of all the issues with my adopted children and I happened to have a day that I could just rest, and so I did.  That feeling is strangely unfamiliar to me.  I don't "rest" often.

Slept part of the afternoon, dosed part of it, watched TV part of it.  Wasted a day.  Blah!

I was advised by a very dear friend on how much water I should be drinking.  What?!  That's a lot of water!  So, on top of drinking so much, battling depression, detoxing from sugars/carbs...now I'm peeing every 15 minutes!

But, let's look at the positive...no binging so far today!

For dinner I made whole wheat spaghetti noodles with butternut squash.  Salt and pepper, add a dash of olive oil and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese.  Broccoli and cauliflower on the side and a wonderful salad with raspberry vinegarette dressing.  More water to drink.

The kids got into an argument at the table.  I ended it, one had to get the last word, she was sent to her room.  One had to argue about not understanding why he had to stay in bed just because he "supposedly" had a migraine today.  No school, no work, no TV or family time.  If you are sick, you stay in the bed, period.  One started her new job today and as dad and I were giving her advice she kept saying, "I know.  I know." , as if we were bothering her.  The lawnmower guy shows up just as I have water boiling, the phone blinking from a text and the hubby walking through the door.  All just at the pivitol point of me pulling up the butternut squash from the 400 degree oven. 

So, after dinner I retreat to the computer to get myself together.  The dang thing won't work!

Ya know, this is when I would normally reach for the cookies or a bag of chips...but I didn't!

Even though my brother is texting me and worrying me about information on cousin's funeral in Virginia and how nobody includes him on anything and sending me another text because I didn't respond fast enough to his summons.....well, you get the picture. 

My life is just hectic.   I don't understand when I became the one that does everything.

Now, I know that's not true.  So let's just say I'm having a pity party and leave it at that.  But it certainly seems at times that my life could be a sit-com because several moments each day remind me of I Love Lucy re-runs! 

Yet, I didn't eat.  I filled my water jug and kept drinking.

I didn't eat.

So, I'm gonna take this as a win for this battle for this moment.  And moment by moment we will conquer these bad eating habits.  I will recognize the strength that is within me and all that I handle daily and look at Rosie the Riveter on my blog page and say, "Yes, We can do it!"

I can do this!  Another day almost over.  Let's keep going.